What If I Responded to Myself With Kindness, Not Criticism?
In 2017, I had a full hysterectomy to treat my endometriosis. Overnight, at 43, I was in menopause. I took about six weeks off from teaching classes—and then life returned to normal. Or rather, it began a new normal.
When the Old Rules Didn’t Work Anymore
I went from being someone who was an effortless size 12, who loved lifting weights and heading out for long hikes… to someone who was a size 16/18, feeling achy, sore, and barely recognising the body I now had.
But here’s the thing: while I was recovering in hospital, I told myself I would start treating my body with love.
And yet—like so many of us—I was torn. As someone who had skirted the edges of an eating disorder in my 30s, my brain wanted me to do whatever it took to lose the weight. Even though I knew the science said that wouldn’t be possible long-term. My thoughts were tangled. I wasn’t feeling good about myself.
The Moment That Changed Everything
Then finally, after a lot of struggle, I asked myself one small, powerful question:
“What if I responded to myself with kindness, not criticism?”
Looking back at 2017 Emma, I can see it so clearly now: I was struggling.
I had just undergone major surgery to treat an extremely painful disease. I was suddenly in menopause, and no one around me was going through it. I wasn’t offered education or support by my medical team. I didn’t even know what questions to ask.
And my body was changing—fast. Even though, besides not being quite as active, I was doing everything else the same as before.
Why We Struggle to Name Our Struggle
But here’s the thing. Most of us don’t like to think of ourselves as struggling. We compare our pain. We tell ourselves there are people who have it worse. We think we should push through. Punish ourselves. Ignore the signals.
Because surely offering ourselves compassion is just giving up… right?
Wrong.
What Is Self-Compassion—Really?
As Dr Kristin Neff writes in her book Self-Compassion:
“Self-compassion involves wanting health and well-being for oneself and leads to proactive behavior to better one’s situation, rather than passivity.
…It just means I think that my problems are also important and worthy of being attended to.
…You can let go of those unrealistic expectations of perfection that make you so dissatisfied, and open the door to real and lasting satisfaction.
All by giving yourself the compassion you need in the moment.”
And for me, the first step toward that compassion was simply admitting: I am struggling.
When we do that—when we acknowledge our pain—we soften. We give ourselves permission to ask for help. To try a different approach. To move forward in a way that’s actually sustainable.
The Two Arrows: A Buddhist Lens on Suffering
The first arrow is the pain, the challenge, the reality. The second arrow is the reaction—self-criticism, shame, judgment.
We can’t always avoid the first arrow. But we can choose whether or not to shoot the second one.
Letting Go of the Second Arrow
When I realised my changing body after menopause wasn’t something to fight, but something to care for… That was me putting down the second arrow.
I began to honour my energy instead of pushing through it. I let go of rigid routines and gave myself permission to move gently, imperfectly, intuitively. It became about support—not struggle.
Maybe for you, it’s exercise too. Or maybe it’s something else entirely.
But I invite you to ask yourself: “What would kindness look like for me today?” And see where that question takes you.
A gentle place to begin...
If you’re looking for a kind, non-judgy space to move your body—whether it’s your first class in years or your hundredth—my Vitality 30 class might be the perfect place to start.
It’s just 30 minutes. Gentle movement. Realistic effort. Zero pressure. We stretch, we breathe, we move a little, and we feel a little better together.
✨ You’re always welcome, just as you are. Click here to book.
