How yoga changed my relationship with my ageing body
Trigger warning: this blog post talks of a period in my life when I experienced disordered eating. If this is triggering for you, you may want to skip this post.
In my early 30s, I experienced a sudden and painful breakup with my boyfriend. He had gone overseas for a few months on a trip he’d started planning before we met and had postponed because of us. We had planned to move in together when he got back. Then, he stopped getting in touch. This was before social media and affordable international roaming, so I’d email and wait, and wait, and wait for a response. One day, he emailed and said he no longer loved me and our relationship was over.
I was understandably devastated. I was so heartbroken that I stopped eating regular meals. I lost a lot of weight very quickly. People were telling me how great I looked, so even when my appetite started coming back, I kept not eating much. I was hungry all the time but started to enjoy the feeling. It was something I could control. But it wasn’t good for me. My period stopped for a while (which is never a good sign when you’re in your 30s). And it began a 10-year battle with my body image. Because, of course, eventually, I needed to eat again. So I put on weight. And like most people, I put on more than I lost. I spent the next 10 years counting calories, weighing myself every day, checking the size of my tummy in every mirror I passed, and comparing my body to everyone else’s. I was almost never not thinking about food, exercise, or my weight. It’s partly why I became a health coach and personal trainer – so I could do all of that for a living.
Luckily, I also trained to be a yoga teacher. I had been practising yoga on and off since my 20s and knew that a mindfulness practice is an important part of a healthy lifestyle. But to be honest, at this stage of my life, I hoped it would help me get a “yoga body”. (And of course it did, because anyone who uses their body to do yoga has a yoga body). What I didn’t know when I started my teacher training was that it would change my relationship with myself.
I didn’t know when I started that I would have a hysterectomy and go into menopause at age 43. I didn’t know that the day after the surgery, I would promise myself to start taking care of my body with love rather than from a place of hate. I didn’t know that I would gain over 15 kilos. I didn’t know that I would stand at the front of yoga classes often feeling like I have the largest body in the room. I didn’t know that I would often teach classes while I was in excruciating pain. I didn’t know that yoga would help me accept all of those things.
I’ve recently started making some dietary changes to manage my cardiovascular health. I've cut out daily chocolate and am experimenting with having soup as one of my meals most days. I have noticed that sometimes I feel hungrier, which is understandable, especially when I’ve had a physically demanding day. It reminds me of when I used to enjoy that feeling back in my 30s. Briefly, I toyed with going down that path again. But my yoga practices and the self-acceptance I have gained from them have helped me remember that I don’t need to be skinny to be valuable in this world. I already offer so much, and my appearance is the least of my gifts. So I continue to practise my intuitive eating and make sure to nourish myself when I am hungry.
My yoga practice has helped me appreciate this larger, older, sorer body. It has helped me deal with physical and emotional pain. It has helped me understand that every time I get on the mat, it's a fresh start. Sometimes I teach effortlessly and sometimes I don’t. Very occasionally, I can’t teach at all. But whenever I do teach, I share the mind-body connection with my students, and I believe it helps them with their own self-acceptance too.
If you’ve never tried yoga, maybe this is your sign to start – you have no idea where it will lead!
Physical Activity tip of the week - yoga
Term 4 yoga is already filling up. If you’d like to join me for some gentle yoga in the lead up to Christmas, now is the time to book. Click here for all the details.
Gentle Nutrition tip of the week - crumble
Who knew dessert could be a nutritional powerhouse? But it can!
This raspberry and pear crumble has become my new dessert in place of mindless chocolate.
It’s full of fibre, antioxidants, calcium (if paired with yoghurt) and deliciousness. Here’s the recipe so you can try it too.
Stress Management tip of the week - walking meditation
Yesterday I did a short guided walking meditation around Eyre Park. Click here for one to try.
Initially, I felt like a bit of a dill following the instructions to stand still, take deep breaths and walk slowly.
Then I realised no one cares.
Just as the meditation guide said, "notice leaves dancing in the breeze," I saw this gorgeous tree doing just that.
It was refreshing, relaxing and restorative on a breezy Saturday.