Breaking free from body shame: Forgiveness as a key to body love
Welcome to the third part of my Body Love Method series – this one is all about forgiveness.
Can imagine if you woke up each morning and the first thing you said to your body was, “I forgive you, I’m sorry, thank you, I love you”? These words are so powerful and can have a profound effect on your ability to love your body. Let’s break them down:
“I forgive you” – Forgive your body for not being perfect, for not living up to society’s ideal, for being sore, old, untalented at dancing… Forgive it for not being whatever it was you wanted it to be.
“I’m sorry” – Apologise for having such high expectations, for being mean to your body with your thoughts or actions.
“Thank you” – Appreciate all your body CAN do for you, even if it’s just breathing and beating your heart.
“I love you” – remember that this is the body that was there when you were a child. It deserves your love.
In fact, this daily act is a rebellion. We’ve been taught from a very young age to be dissatisfied with our bodies (if not feel outright hate). This is related to the misogynist notion that women’s bodies are for men to look at. So, we’ve been told to primp and preen and diet and paint ourselves, so we look like the ideal woman. And if we don’t, we are told that we just didn’t try hard enough.
All of this to say, to truly love our bodies and ourselves it helps to forgive ourselves, our bodies, the people who have said nasty things about us, and the institutions and systems that taught us we weren’t enough to begin with. Learning to forgive all these things (over time, I’m not asking for a miracle) can be energising because it means we have let go of things that have been weighing us down for years.
So, what is forgiveness?
It’s easy to think that forgiveness means condoning bad behaviour, but an interesting guest on the Oprah Show back in 1990 completely blew that definition out of the water. He said that forgiveness is “giving up the hope that the past can be any different.” And as Oprah added, it’s accepting that the event HAS happened so that you can move on. Of course, this is very easy to say, but not so easy to do. So, let’s delve deeper into all things forgiveness.
What are the benefits of Forgiveness for Body Love?
According to the Mayo Clinic, the benefits of practicing forgiveness are both mental and physical. Their list of benefits includes:
Healthier relationships.
Improved mental health.
Less anxiety, stress and hostility.
Fewer symptoms of depression.
Lower blood pressure.
A stronger immune system.
Improved heart health.
Improved self-esteem.
How Body Loving is this list? I find it so interesting that forgiveness has many benefits for the physical body like lowering blood pressure, improved heart health, and a stronger immune system. It’s easy to think that it’s just diet and exercise that affects our health, but “softer” “energy healing” practices like forgiveness have their place in a holistic health plan.
Who or what should you forgive for Body Love?
The first person on this list is yourself. Forgive yourself for all the mean things you’ve said to yourself. For all the punishment you’ve put your body through – the diets, painful exercise, and squeezing yourself into clothes that are too small. For thinking that you aren’t good enough exactly as you are.
You might also want to forgive friends/family or acquaintances who have made comments about your body. Or who only talk about diet and exercise. Or who make catty comments about other people’s bodies.
You could forgive people of influence in your life. Teachers, doctors, celebrities, and influencers who have given you bad health advice, or made generalised comments about bodies that made you feel bad about yourself.
Institutions may have also contributed to your body image issues. Workplaces that have “Biggest Loser Challenges,” or that have unflattering uniforms. Gyms that made you feel bad because they only employed thin people. (Anything else here??)
And you might even need to forgive the bigger systems we contend with – capitalism, patriarchy, diet culture, and growing up in the 70s, 80s and 90s when THIN WAS IN!
How to practice forgiveness for Body Love?
Some of the forgiveness practices that have helped me on my own Body Love path are:
· Ho’oponopono – a Hawaiian forgiveness ritual that the mantra at the beginning of this post was based on. Read more here.
· Cord-cutting meditations – this can be really helpful if there is a dominant person or influence on your life that you are finding it hard to let go of. Jump onto Insight Timer to find one.
· Journaling – I highly recommend writing a letter to someone who has hurt you regarding your body image (you don’t have to send it!) And then writing a letter back from them to see that there are often two sides to every situation, and they might have been suffering too.
· Metta meditation – Loving Kindness is a yoga tool that allows you to practice sending loving vibes to yourself and to people who may have hurt you. This can be a fantastic introduction to forgiveness if everything else feels a bit too much. Click here to try the one I recorded.
I have also created a more in-depth forgiveness practice that I work through with my clients that involves delving into the past and identifying situations and people to forgive, to notice the thought patterns and beliefs that have arisen from these situations, and to forgive and reframe them.
I use this practice in my one-on-one sessions and share it with the participants in my 90-day Body Love Yoga challenge. If delving into forgiveness is something you want to do, you can book a free 15-min clarity call with me to find out which option is right for you.
More posts about Body Love for you to read
Revolutionise your relationship with your body - the power of The Body Love Method
Setting an intention for Body Love - the essential first step
Why decluttering is essential for Body Love